A few days ago I came across a song and video by singer-songwriter Stephanie Rainey.
The video was both heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time, and from watching and listening it was very clear that Rainey knows exactly what grief feels like.
“A few years ago, I lost my nephew very suddenly and it was something that changed my life forever. I can still remember how it felt and I know there are so many other people who have gone through the same thing in one form or another.” Rainey said on her facebook page.
The song itself is so relatable and raw, lyrics like ‘I love you more than you could know. You’ve got a hole inside my soul’. and ‘I hold myself so I can sleep. My pillow holds the streams of me’ perfectly sum up the concept of loss.
“I feel like this song has resonated the most with me since writing it. I remember the exact place it came from and it never loses its meaning no matter how many times I play it.” the singer continued
While the song on its own is truly special, the video is what solidifies her point, Stephanie explains this on her page “I’ve wanted to create a music video that reflects this and which could potentially help people who are struggling with loss while also giving people a chance to tell their story.”
And this is exactly what it does.
I don’t think that there are enough videos like this, while they are sad and emotional and may result in you needing a few minutes to recover, they are also honest raw and incredibly accurate.
You may spot a familiar face in the video, which is that of Cian Twomey. Known for his comedic videos which are viewed by millions, we see a different side to Twomey. This in itself is special, a young man who is full of confidence and humour, has had to deal with the loss of his father and for the first time on video, Cian, understandably comes across as vulnerable.
The same goes for the other brave people featured in the video, they are showing vulnerability, something that we all feel.
This video resonates with so many people because everyone has experienced loss at some time to some degree, some of us have felt it much more than others.
The success of this video is that it uses a multitude of examples, different cases, different ages, different relationships with loved ones, meaning that far more people will relate.
What is heart-warming to see is that while those who took part in the video are asked to bare their soul and talk about their losses, there are many smiles too, because they are remembering the amazing person that they lost. There is a special balance between heart-ache and fond reminiscence all in the same moments.
The people in the video are asked a series of questions, although we the viewers only see their answers. We see them grip photographs close to their hearts, followed by white plaques with heartfelt answers to heartbreaking questions. They discuss how the loved one died, how they felt when the lost them, what they would say to them if they had the chance, what the person who died would say if they met again, and what and they miss about them.
What spoke to me on a personal level was the diversity in the answers, it shows us that no two losses are the same. And no one grieves in the same way.
Losing my dad when I was thirteen was completely different to losing my best friend when sixteen. I was in two very different mind sets, cried about very different things and miss them both for very different reasons, and the same goes for those in the video, whether you lose someone to cancer, suicide, a car crash or anything else, it will always hurt just as much, but you will grieve in different ways depending on who they were to you, who you are and many other factors.
“I’ll hold my tears until you go. With all the life that leaves your bones, it soaks the purpose from my own.” This line, in the first verse of the song, will resonate with anyone who has ever lost.
The only thing that I would add to all of this accuracy and emotion, is that it does, slowly and surely get slightly easier but the loss with always be part of your life, and if the person you lost is special to you, you wouldn’t want it any other way.